My Life as Kitsurabami
by Kami no Neko
Summary: Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of Kitsurabami's life... after quitting her job, will Kitsu ever find happiness?
1. The Quitting

Evening in Tokyo. The sun was setting, turning the sky into a golden inferno dotted with pink clouds and reflected on a red sea. The waves rumbled off the shore as always, sweeping in gently to kiss the white sands of the beach. There was not a sound of a car on the road, and the gulls were flying peacefully above, circling in an intricate dance over the wide ocean. The world was at peace, and everything was at its best for the one young lady sitting placidly on the beach, digging her toes into the sand and smiling as she took in the beauty of her surroundings...

RRRRRIIIIIIINNNNGGGG!

No, this small interruption wasn't going to lessen the enlightenment she was having. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she ignored the ringing. Eventually it stopped. After a few minutes, it rang again. The young woman snarled furiously, grabbed her obnoxiously ringing cell phone and jerked it against her ear. "WHAT?!" she screamed.

"Kitsurabami! I knew you'd answer eventually. Could you do me a favor?" a voice on the other end asked innocently.

"Commander Amarao?" Kitsurabami blinked in surprise.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, I'm having trouble with something, I need you to come over right away and help me out!"

Kitsurabami stammered angrily. "B-but Commander! This is supposed to be—!"

"—your day off, I know. But I really need your help. Would you mind?"

_YES, I DO MIND, YOU GIANT LUMP OF FISHBRAINS! I WAS HAVING A NICE TIME RELAXING ON THE BEACH UNTIL YOU INTERRUPTED ME LIKE THIS!_ Kitsurabami could imagine herself saying that, but she bit it back. "Uh... sure, I guess I—"

"You'll come? Great! See you in a few minutes, then!"

"Uh, yeah, a few min—oh..." Kitsurabami heard a *click* on the other end in the middle of her sentence. She stared at her cell phone for a few seconds before throwing it into the sand with a growl. "This isn't fair! I do his job all the time! I should get to command _him_ around, that stinking, fake-eyebrowed, puerile jerk!" She stood up and dusted herself off. "This had better be good..."

Driving away in her dark blue Sonata, Kitsurabami's anger melted away, and she sighed sadly. "How come I can't ever get anywhere in this job, huh?" She slumped against the wheel, her face in her hand. "Jeez, now I'm depressed. I shouldn't get myself worked up over something so small. Besides, I make plenty of money!" She jerked her head back up, grinning, but only in time to see that she was about to plow straight into a left-turning semi truck! Kitsurabami screamed and hit the brake, spinning the tires and turning the car just enough not to hit the truck. She breathed a sigh of relief as she passed the truck unharmed, only to be rear-ended a second later. She moaned and thumped her head against the wheel. "Why me?"

A man sat in his apartment, looking quite like a bum. He wore an old, stained t-shirt, a towel around his neck, shabby jeans with holes in the knees, and all of this was accompanied by a pair of seaweed eyebrows stuck to where his real eyebrows would normally be. He was mumbling to himself and smoking a menthol cigarette. When the door opened behind him, he turned around on his stool. "'ey, Kitsurabami!" He waved at the figure of a tired blonde girl while she coughed in the smoked-out entryway. "What took you so long? I've been waiting for ages!"

Kitsurabami sighed. "What do you need, Commander?"

"Oh, yeah, that. I need your opinion on something important."

"What is it? Does it have anything to do with Atomsk?"

Amarao puffed out a cloud of smoke, and Kitsurabami coughed again. "Well, no, but it is pretty important. Here, I'll show you." Amarao walked into his bedroom and came out a moment later... holding up two shirts. Kitsurabami blinked in surprise. "Commander..."

"Which one do you think would go best with this pair of shades?" He held a pair of red-tinted glasses to his eyes. "Well?"

Kitsurabami said nothing, but turned around with a neutral expression on her face and left the apartment. Amarao stood clueless. "I could pick out a different one if it's that bad!" When he heard no answer, he dropped the shirts and shades and ran outside. "Kitsurabami? Why are you leaving?"

The woman turned around, a vein popping out on her forehead. "I BUSTED MY BUTT TO GET HERE, GOT IN AN ACCIDENT, NARROWLY AVOIDED ANOTHER, GAVE UP A BEAUTIFUL EVENING ALONE ON THE BEACH, AND ALL SO YOU COULD GET HELP PICKING OUT A STUPID SHIRT!!!! WELL, I'VE REACHED MY LIMIT WITH YOU, AMARAO! I QUIT!"

Amarao leaned over the barrier on his steps. "You can't! I need you! Noooo!" 

Kitsurabami started the car as the barrier collapsed under Amarao's weight and he fell into a tree below. She laughed silently, then gunned the engine and sped away, leaving Amarao hanging by his shirt in the tree. "Serves him right..."

What will Kitsurabami do?! Does her rear-ender have insurance?! Will Amarao ever get out of the tree?! The answers to these and more in the next chapter!


	2. The Misery

Kitsurabami woke up the next morning in her same bed, alone. She looked out the window and winced at the sunlight. "Ow," she moaned, "that's freakin' bright." Outside, though, it was a beautiful spring day. She looked at her watch. It was 9:30.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I should be at work already!!!! Amarao's gonna kill me!!!"  
  
The tired woman ran a comb through her flaxen hair quickly and threw on a gray blazer and skirt, forgetting the tie. Grabbing her bag, she slammed the door open and ran down the driveway to her car. There, Kitsurabami stopped short. "My... my car! It's all... dented..." Then she remembered how she left Amarao hanging in the tree by his house after he made her mad... "Duh, I quit my job. Well, who wouldn't have after that kind of abuse?!" With that, she stalked back into the house and threw her blazer down on the floor. It was going to be a long day...  
  
After changing back into her pajama pants, Kitsurabami sat herself down to a bowl of cheerios. She hadn't even had the opportunity to have breakfast in the morning since she'd worked for Amarao. "But now I don't work for anyone but me!" Kitsu grinned triumphantly. "I have time to do whatever I WANT!!! YES!!!" She raised her fist into the air gloriously... and splashed cheerios and milk all over herself. It didn't detract from her happiness.  
  
"Guess I'd better go get the mail... at 10:00 in the MORNING! Hahaha!" She skipped outside to get her mail, attracting the attention of many a person mowing his lawn. Doing a happy dance at the mailbox, our Kitsu seemed to float back into the house, as light as a cloud. She sat lazily on... well, on the la-z boy, and sorted through the mail. "Junk... junk... ooh, a letter from Auntie Rika, how nice... junk... offer for a subscription to a yaoi manga? Ooh, I'll have to consider that one... junk... bill... bill... 'nother bill..." Her voice trailed off quickly as she looked at the three envelopes left in her hand, labeled 'electric bill,' 'cellular bill' and 'car payment.' Poor Kitsu.  
  
"BILLS?! BILLS!!! HOW AM I GONNA PAY THESE?!" She threw the bills in all directions and sat puffing on the couch. "Oh nooo..."  
  
Kitsurabami spent the afternoon on the la-z boy, watching TV and drinking cognac straight from the bottle... or the plural of that. Kitsurabami was suffering from Recently Unemployed Syndrome. Well, you guys know that cognac is pretty strong, right? ...Right. So Kitsu was sitting here, laughing at the weatherman, emptying her third bottle of cognac, and not thinking about the bills at all. Sometimes it can be nice to have a de-stressor, but this was going a little overboard. She woke up the next morning feeling awful and looking worse.  
  
"Man, I'm alone, out of a job and look really ugly today," Kitsurabami muttered to herself as she prodded her puffy eyes in the mirror. "I've hit rock bottom." And without warning, Kitsu burst into tears. "Life actually sucks worse not working for Amarao than working for him..."  
  
Just then, the doorbell rang downstairs. "Coming!" Kitsurabami yelled as best she could as she stumbled down the stairs. Upon opening the door, Kitsu saw a pair of nori eyebrows. "Oh... Amarao."  
  
The sniveling man smiled cheekily and tipped an invisible hat. "Kitsurabami! Hi. Nice to see you; mind if I come in?" He stepped in with muddy shoes and not even a "thank you." Kitsurabami's vein began to show as she remembered why she quit her job...  
  
Amarao invited himself to a cup of tea. "Oh, this is good, is it green tea? Of course it is. I just love—"  
  
"Get to the point, Amarao—what do you need here?"  
  
Amarao set his mug down and swallowed, his confidence never leaving him, even as Kitsurabami stared him down coldly. "Well," he began, "I know you weren't really serious about quitting, and I was a little worried when you didn't show up today, so I came to give you a peppy talk—"  
  
"—that's a pep talk."  
  
"Right. A pep talk. Because I think you need some motivation. You haven't been doing such a perfect job lately."  
  
"And anyway, I'm serious about quitting. There's no need for you to come here."  
  
Amarao laughed scornfully. "Oh, Kitsurabami... if you think I'm not paying you enough, we can negotiate that."  
  
"You paid me well—but the job was getting ridiculous. With Atomsk gone, we haven't had a word of anything strange lately. I don't think you need my help anymore."  
  
"I do. That's why I called you yesterday."  
  
Kitsu's vein popped out even further. "You only called me to help you pick out a stupid shirt."  
  
"I can't always do everything for myself!"  
  
"Which is why I don't WANT you to be my BOSS!!!"  
  
"But—"  
  
"OUT!" And Amarao was out, rubbing his tender bum, which Kitsurabami had just kicked out the door.  
  
Only a few minutes later, the doorbell rang again. Kitsu's vein immediately popped out of her forehead as she opened the door and prepared to scream... but she didn't. Instead of Amarao, there stood a pizza delivery boy... with a TV head. Kitsurabami's heart leapt out of its place. "Y-you..."  
  
Will Canti recognize Kitsu? Will all her dreams finally come true? Find out next time! 


End file.
